


it takes a muscle

by havisham



Category: Free!
Genre: Acceptance, Best Friends, Implied/Referenced Underage Sex, M/M, Pining, Self-Denial, Teasing, Treat, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-14
Updated: 2017-02-14
Packaged: 2018-09-21 23:57:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,690
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9572621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/havisham/pseuds/havisham
Summary: Sousuke had boy troubles. Specifically, a boy who was trouble.(That boy was Rin, and always had been.)





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [horchata](https://archiveofourown.org/users/horchata/gifts).



> Hey, horchata! So, there was this line on your letter where you asked for Sousuke's unrequited feelings for Rin, and that grabbed me and wouldn't let me go. So here it is! 
> 
> I hope you don't mind that the ampersand between Rin & Sousuke is the most _tortured_ ampersand in the world. Because that's how the two of them roll! Too intense, man. 
> 
> Anyway. Here's the fic.

Sometime in between receiving Rin’s last letter and seeing him again, Sousuke realized that he was in love with his best friend. It felt inevitable, though he knew it wasn’t. It felt necessary, even though he knew it wasn’t. He wasn’t entirely comfortable with this knowledge, but as long as Rin was in Australia (gone but never forgotten), it was something that he could deal with.

(Or, better yet, it was something he could ignore.) 

But then he received a call from Gou, who was starting her first year in high school. She was bursting with the news that Rin was back in Japan and now attending Samezuka Academy. Sousuke had competed against Samezuka at nationals during his first year at Tokitsu; he knew they were good and that Rin had made a good decision to continue his swimming career there. He'd likely be scouted as soon as summer competitive season began. 

He told this all to Gou, who hummed in agreement before she sighed, a little. 

“I think Onii-chan has been a little lonely, since he returned,” Gou said. “But he doesn't really speak to me about that, so I can't really say for sure. He’s pushing all his old friends away. I wish _you_ would be able to speak to him, Sousuke-kun.” 

Ah. Sousuke cleared his throat to give himself more time to think. “I don't know if Rin would speak to me. We haven't seen each other in four years. People change.” 

“He hasn't changed!” Gou said. “Well, maybe he has, but if he was with his friends, I know he would change _back_. Please consider seeing him again.” 

Sousuke agreed to it, if only to make Gou feel better. He turned the conversation to Gou herself and asked if she liked Iwatobi High School and would be happy there. 

“Oh, yes! I think I will -- especially if people would call me by the right name,” she said, with a meaningful sigh. Sousuke laughed, a little guilty, for never calling Gou _Kou_. He had known her since they were both little. It was hard to change things now. 

He let Gou fill up the rest of the call with talk about the Swim Club that they had revived at the high school, listening idly as she described the members and their antics.

“Nanase is still the same?” he said, more to himself than to her. 

“I think so. He doesn’t seem like a changeable sort of person,” Gou said, sounding surprised. “But I didn’t know you knew him, Sousuke-kun.” 

"I don't. We just used to meet at tournaments in middle school -- we weren’t friends or anything like that.”

They hadn’t been friends, but they had been friendly.

One day, Sousuke had found Nanase’s house-key on the floor of the locker room after a meet. Nanase’s address was printed on the back of a dolphin keychain, so Sousuke had gone to return it. When Sousuke had spotted Nanase coming up the path, he had filled his ear about the stupidity of having one’s address attached to one’s keys. 

“I keep my door unlocked,” Nanase had said, which had stunned Sousuke into silence. Then Nanase had invited him in for a dinner of croquettes. 

Sousuke had marveled at the way Nanase lived -- seemingly free from all parental control or supervision. He had envied him for that, though of course he would never tell him that. Nanase had even made the croquettes himself, which secretly impressed Sousuke. 

It had been an odd meal and after that, they had fairly involved conversation about swimming techniques. It had been nice, actually, and Sousuke had left thinking that he might one day be friends with Nanase. 

But that possibility had never materialized, and now Sousuke would never let it happen. 

“Irritating guy, isn’t he?” Sousuke said, a little rankled that he remembered that little encounter with Nanase so clearly. He was sure Nanase didn’t remember him half so well. 

“No? He's a very calm person -- and the heart of the team, it feels like.” Gou said. “I think, if you aren't there, the only person who can get Rin back would be Haru.”

That hurt more than Sousuke would care to admit, because he knew Gou was telling the truth. Rin had always run after Nanase -- why would he stop now? 

*

Sousuke didn’t think of himself as a coward or anything like that. 

But something always stopped him from picking up his phone and calling Rin, as he had promised. His second year of high school was busy, between his schoolwork and his physical therapy, which drained him in more ways than one. 

He didn’t seem to progress -- for every step forward, he seemed to take two back. 

He couldn’t stand to see his teammates surpass him, and finally he quit the team in the spring of his second year. His parting was acrimonious -- he had refused to stay on to manage the younger swimmers; he didn't see the point of it. 

The Tokitsu swim captain, Sasaki, had been withering in his criticism of Sousuke, of his selfishness, his self-absorption, his immense capacity for self-pity -- all of which was true -- but it stung, nonetheless. 

Sasaki had been his friend, and a little more than that, before. 

*

Sousuke watched Rin swim in regionals, baseball cap slung low over his eyes. He thought he might be inspired, but instead he saw Rin struggle -- it was a blow to see him unable to even get out of the pool. Sousuke clasped his hands together, to stop himself from reaching out to help him --

How could Rin be hurting in this way? What had happened to him? Gou hadn’t mentioned anything, and surely she would if Rin had been injured? 

He wanted, more than anything, to reach out and comfort Rin, to tell him he wasn't alone, that he never would be. But his presence would be hard to explain. And they hadn't seen each other for four years -- how could he just swoop in now and expect Rin to listen to him?

Later, he watched Rin swim the relay with Nanase and the others with a mix of rage and wonder, envy and joy. He _wanted_ that, wanted that closeness with Rin, of putting his body on the line for the sake of Rin’s dream. Even if it had been such a stupid thing to do, and had led to the entire Iwatobi team, and Rin, being disqualified. 

Sousuke hunched over, his shoulder paining him again. He knew he would never risk Rin’s future like that. Never, ever. He knew, also, that the time had come to reappear in Rin’s life, to help him as much as he could. 

*

And just like that, they were friends again, best friends again. 

It felt like no time had passed at all. He and Rin fell quickly back into familiar patterns, as easily as they always did. The only point of contention was Nanase, but Sousuke avoided mentioning him as much as he could. 

As for Nanase himself -- Sousuke knew perfectly well what he had done at the Iwatobi Swim Club reopening was wrong. He didn't like to think of himself as a bully, but it was undeniable that there was a glimmer of fear in Nanase's beautiful blue eyes when Sousuke had approached him, had invaded his space. A small part of him had been pleased with that reaction, but a greater part reasoned that he was just looking out for Rin. 

Sousuke would do anything for Rin.

He felt badly for misleading Rin about his future, for lying about being scouted. But Rin was the only person who didn't look at him with pity, didn't see him as failure. It was hard let go of that, to have Rin see the truth. 

He couldn't do it. He was a coward, after all. 

*

The first couple of nights they roomed together, Sousuke kept quiet on the upper bunk, his music playing softly on his earbuds. He could feel rather than hear Rin moving below him. Always a restless sleeper, Rin would toss and turn, rustle his sheets, moan, mutter to himself in his sleep, his teeth grinding against themselves as he dreamed his violent dreams. 

But he was awake now. 

Sousuke could feel it. He took off his earbuds and said, quietly, “Hey, Rin.”

Instantly came an answer. “What?” 

“Are you a virgin? ” 

Rin took a quick, indrawn breath. “What kind of question is that!” 

“If I’m still your best friend, I would know, wouldn’t I?” 

“Wait, what about you? Are you -- have you done it?’ 

“Yes.”

Rin huffed impatiently. “Is that it? A yes, no elaboration? Don’t I get to know more, as _your_ best friend?” 

“Well, what do you want to know? I’m an open book.” 

“Pfft,” Rin said, getting out of his bed. Sousuke leaned out the side of his bed, curious to see where he was going. It turned out that Rin had just turned around and clambered up the ladder to Sousuke’s bunk. “Move over,” he said, pushing Sousuke towards the wall. 

“You’re a pain,” Sousuke said, budging over and letting Rin get comfortable, but instead Rin grabbed him and they scuffled a little. The bunk bed creaked ominously under their combined weight and their movements, until they stilled. 

“You think you can distract me, Sousuke,” Rin said, an unholy light in his eyes. “But you can’t. Fess up.” 

Sousuke scoffed, grabbing his pillow from Rin’s grasp. “This isn't a very good story, but if you insist… It’s not a problem now, but when I was younger, I looked a lot older than I was. People would get the wrong idea, sometimes. I met this girl at my sister’s graduation party -- I think she was one my sister’s classmates, but I don’t know. Never saw her before. She, uh, offered to … show me some things. And I thought why the hell not?” 

“What happened?” 

“Well, my mom found us in my sister’s bed in a very compromising position. Mom lost it, and the girl lost it when she heard that I was fourteen.” 

Rin had the temerity to laugh at that. “Sousuke, you have the worst luck...” 

“Shut up,” Sousuke said, punching Rin softly on his shoulder. “What about you? I embarrassed myself for your amusement. Now it’s your turn.” 

“Oh, I --” Rin ruffled his own hair, looking a little nervous. “I’m always training, you know? It’s hard to spend time on anything else, or anyone else. I hadn’t really done … anything until last year, with Haru.” 

Sousuke felt his heart squeeze painfully against his ribcage, trying to escape. He kept his face neutral, though he was pretty sure he was staring a little too intensely at Rin. 

Not that Rin noticed.

Rin grimaced and began to massage the back of his neck, squinting a little in concentration. “We didn't really _do_ anything -- we really haven't done anything yet, we agreed not to go too fast, especially since this year is so important, but I like what we did.” 

Rin stopped speaking and looked at him. The silence between them stretched out -- it was uncomfortably long and strangely tense. Sousuke looked at how Rin’s expression closed up like a fist as he waited. 

Sousuke swallowed hard and then smiled a little as he said, “Nanase is a really lucky guy to have you, Rin.”

“Hah?” Rin’s eyes flashed, suspiciously bright, but he only nodded. “Yeah. Thanks.” 

“So you agree?” 

“What?” 

“That Nanase is really lucky to have you?” 

“Yeah -- well -- _shut up_ , Sousuke! I'm going to bed.” 

*

What was worse, to have the person you were in love with have an incompatible sexuality to yours, or to be mercy to other factors -- bad timing, bad luck or a simple lack of attraction? 

Sousuke couldn't decide. They were all horrible, frankly, and he was miserable, miserable enough that even Rin noticed. “What's wrong with you?” he asked, as one of the upteenth Samezuka-Iwatobi joint practices ended. Sousuke gave him a frosty look, one that would have made a more timid man crack. But Rin, of course, just bulldozed through Sousuke’s bad mood like it was nothing. 

“Nothing’s wrong,” Sousuke said, frowning. 

“You missed practice again yesterday,” Rin said. “You know I'm not allowed to make exceptions for you because you're my best friend.” 

“I don't recall asking you to,” Sousuke said. Yesterday, he had made the long train ride to his doctor’s office, only to be told that he was not improving, and in fact, his shoulder seemed to be worsening. Tomorrow he had an appointment with a new physiotherapist, one he hoped would actually be able to do something about his shoulder. He would have to miss practice again, irritating Rin further. 

“Sousuke -- you know you can tell me what's happening with you, don't you?” Rin’s voice was quieter now -- no longer using the boisterous swim-captain persona that was still somewhat at odds with his personality -- but something more like Rin, his friend. 

Sousuke smiled at him. “I'm fine, really.”

“Come out with us -- me and the Iwatobi boys. We're going to hang out at Haru’s house and play Mario Kart or something.” 

“Rin and the Iwatobi Boys,” Sousuke mused. “Sounds like a band my mom would listen to.” 

“Ha, you dick. Are you coming?” 

“Can't -- I've got too much homework.” 

Rin rolled his eyes. “ _Everyone_ has too much homework, Sousuke. You need to have some fun as well.” 

“Thanks, mom…” 

“Oh, so _I’m_ your mother now? Pfft.” 

“... But I'm _really_ behind -- besides, it would be a relief to study without your snoring distracting me from the bottom bunk.” 

“Asshole,” Rin muttered, punching him lightly on the arm. 

Sousuke didn't wait to see Rin and the others off, but he did see Rin lope off with Nanase, arm swung carelessly over the other boy’s shoulder. Nanase, as if feeling the heat of Sousuke’s gaze, turned and looked him. His face was carefully blank, but Sousuke thought he saw a tiny smirk on his mouth that was quickly wiped away when Rin turned to speak to him.

 

*

At least it was quiet in their room now. Sousuke tried to study in his room, but everything around him reminded him of Rin. It was distracting. He actually did need to study, not lie listlessly in Rin’s bed, so he took himself to the library, prepared to spend his whole Friday night there, if he had to. 

He made good progress for almost two hours before his attention began to wander. He noticed another boy reading at a table near his. He was a third year too, Sousuke recognized him from his Physics class. He was blond and slight and not really Sousuke’s type, but he was cute and obviously interested. 

Every once in awhile, his eyes would slide over to where Sousuke was sitting and Sousuke would stare back at him boldly. The boy would get flustered and look down again, and the cycle would continue. 

The library closed early on Friday, and Sousuke gathered up his books and headed back to his room. He saw the boy was following him and paused to look at him up and down. 

“Is this what you want?” Sousuke asked him, a little curtly, and the boy bit at his lip and nodded. 

They walked in silence for a while. Samezuka always seemed to hollow out in the weekends, and they didn’t meet anyone as they made it to Sousuke’s dorm room. 

“My roommate won’t be back for a while,” Sousuke said, checking the time on his phone. 

About thirty minutes later, Sousuke was kneeling in front of the bunk bed, sucking off the boy as he cursed and begged and gripped at Sousuke’s hair. Sousuke pulled away for a moment to tell him to be a little quieter. “The walls here are pretty thin,” he said, letting his bottom lip trail the blunt tip of the boy’s cock. 

“Y-yeah,” he muttered and Sousuke grinned, going back to his work. But then the door opened and light flickered on. He heard Rin laugh. 

“Sousuke, you lazy bastard, are you asleep already? Wake up, I brought you back some food -- ah -- what the fuck?!” 

Sousuke sighed as he pulled back. “Oh. Hey, Rin, sorry, I should’ve put a sock on the door. Come back in five minutes?” 

But Rin had left the room, slamming the door behind him with an irritated huff. 

“I didn’t catch your name,” Sousuke said to the boy, knowing perfectly well it was because he hadn’t asked for it until now. The boy froze, in midst of tucking his cock back into his pants. 

He blinked at Sousuke with guileless brown eyes. “Um, Maeda Asahi, nice to meet you. Was that _Matsuoka Rin_ who came in just now -- the swim captain?” 

“Yamazaki Sousuke, ditto. And yeah, that’s him.” Sousuke got up and dusted himself off. He escorted a dazed-looking Maeda to the door and said goodbye. Rin was waiting outside the door, with a look that clearly promised murder. 

“Should we talk about this?” Sousuke said, holding the door open for Rin. 

Rin stomped in and shoved a bag of food into Sousuke’s arms. He growled, “ _No fucking way_.” 

Sousuke shrugged. It was fine by him. 

*

The week that followed was intensely awkward for them both, but neither of them would acknowledge it as such, until Rin, in the middle of the math homework they were doing on Rin’s bed, reached out and kicked Sousuke in shins. 

“Ouch! What was that for?” Sousuke said, not bothering to keep the whininess from his voice. 

“Idiot. I thought you were straight.” 

“I never said I was,” Sousuke said, going back to his problem set. 

“Yeah, but you said your first time was with a girl -- so I assumed --” 

“Then don’t assume,” Sousuke said helpfully, but Rin scowled at him. But later, when Sousuke looked up again, he saw Rin looking at him curiously, like he had never seen him before. 

Sousuke yawned loudly and stretched out. 

Rin snorted, muttering _show-off_ under his breath and went back to his work. 

*

Rin always said that Sousuke understood him better than anyone else, but Sousuke knew enough to say that that wasn’t true.

They didn’t even know how little they knew about each other. That was all right, however. They were young. They would be friends for the rest of their lives -- it was perhaps best to keep a sense of mystery as long as possible. 

*

 

And after all that, he still loved Rin. 

He was still _in_ love with Rin. 

He thought he would be until he grew old and died, but that love wasn’t such a burden anymore. When Rin was with him, Sousuke thought friendship might even be enough. (It was only when Rin went away that Sousuke realized anew that it wasn’t.) He tried to make an effort to befriend Rin’s other friends, to not be so aloof, to not be so fucking miserable all the time. 

He even tried to reach out to Nanase, which would have astonished his younger self. Hell, it would have shocked the person he had been only a few months ago.

During the Samezuka Cultural Festival, he slid into the seat next to Nanase’s with a loud sigh. He had been standing over the stove for what felt like the whole day. There were flecks of rice and bits of dried egg on his waistcoat and shirt sleeves. He needed to change, but he waited until Rin was done talking to do it. 

Nanase was staring at him with those cool, blue eyes, although he looked away when he saw that Sousuke had noticed. Then, in a voice so low that Sousuke was sure he had misheard at first, Nanase said, “If Rin is the butler, what are you?” 

“His kitchen boy,” Sousuke said, and winked at him. 

Nanase didn’t really react -- of course, he wouldn’t -- but his pale face looked a little less pale for a moment, and there was a definite lift on the corner of his lips into something that could be called a smile. 

Sousuke smiled back, which attracted Rin’s attention. 

“Hey, what are you two grinning about? You two shouldn’t be so friendly to each other, it’s unnatural.” 

“I was just telling Nanase here that I have pictures of you from last year’s Maid Cafe.”

“Yes,” said Nanase, after a beat. “I told him that he could send them to me.” 

“Oh, _Sou-chan,_ I knew it was a good idea to befriend you! Send them to me too,” said Hazuki, waving his spoon around wildly, almost knocking his friend’s glasses off his face. 

“ _What_ \-- you don’t have those!” Rin spluttered, his face turning as red as his hair. “You didn’t even go here then -- and I know you didn’t visit!” 

“Gou sent them to me,” said Sousuke simply. “She keeps me updated, like a good _friend_ would.” 

“Betrayed by my own blood,” Rin said hotly, “I'll never forgive her for this -- or you, Sousuke! Or you, Haru!” 

“Now, now,” said Tachibana in a voice that seemed trying to put out several fires at once. “I'm sure that Yamazaki-san wouldn't do that to you, Rin, he's just teasing you. Aren't you?” 

Here, he gave Sousuke a pleading look, which Sousuke acknowledged with a small grin and shrug.

“You're too easy,” he said to Rin.

“Just wait until we’re back in our room,” said Rin, not smiling so much as baring his teeth, white and sharp.

“Can’t wait,” Sousuke said, and meant it. 

“You two are strange,” Ryugazaki said, adjusting his glasses and giving them a judicious look. “It’s as if you _enjoy_ arguing.” 

“Who could do that?” Rin said, getting up from his seat. “Come on, time to show all of you around. Sousuke?” 

Sousuke got up too and they headed to the storage closet where they'd stashed their uniforms. Coming back, Sousuke felt -- light and hopeful for the first time in a long time. He snuck a glance at Rin, who caught his eye and grinned back. 

“Is this alright with you?” Rin asked him. 

“Yeah,” Sousuke said. “I’m good.” 

*

And it was, finally, true. 

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Spectral Display, [It Takes A Muscle to Fall In Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a1CEoVWKKPU), which is such a Sousuke song. 
> 
> Thanks to my beta, S!


End file.
